And Now

I eat an antihistamine 
and drink a coffee
and eat two poached eggs.
Allergy medication overlaps
with fatigue, as it comes up.
Rostropovich (yes, him) 
and Ted Hughes (yes, him)
the dead white men and I,
together we look at the mature trees
and the bidet-avocado cladding. 
Ecstatic good morning haze.
And I’m sorry for this -
but this is who I am now.
I am here, not with 
nor beside, but 
               myself.
And I am tearing up

--

Meanwhile the helm sets out
with her eyes on the telltales
heading for the windward mark
close to the wind.